It’s funny but true that the social networking sites have a large impact on our everyday life, an inanimate stuff capturing the wellbeing of the human brain.

People have used Online social networking sites to re-create face-to-face interactions on the web by allowing people to interact publically or privately. Many people use social media as a way to stay in contact, while others use the medium as a way to develop new connections. A benefit of social networking websites is that they allow people to develop or maintain relationships with individuals who may not be close to themselves geographically. When it comes to location, social networking websites allow families, couples, and friends to stay connected using a simple click of a button.

Social networking sites are a great way to interact with another person online, by getting to know that individual person better, or to maintain and enhance a long distance relationship. A large number of population is in the grip of social networking sites, few can’t imagine a day without logging in the sites, for few the days starts updating their status, for others they give moment to moment updates. They are varied reasons for the same. It could be appreciation, boredom, to boast about one’s achievement; commonly you would see only the positive posts of the person.

What psychological factors can develop due to the use of social networking sites?Does it have only positive impact or is it believed to ruin an existing relationship?

Technology has altered the way relationships can be developed and maintained. Traditionally, relationships have to deal with components of love, trust, commitment, honesty, passion, and satisfaction; now relationships have to deal with much more. Social networking sites have altered the way people interact and develop relationships, finding.

Many Social networking sites have relationship settings which allow users to share their relationship status or keep it private. Users can choose from categories such as “in a relationship,” “it’s complicated,” and “single,” to name a few. Nowadays, declaring publically online that you are in a relationship is an illustration to friends and family of the commitment you have made, every now and then u see those status changing, as human emotions never stable just like your emotion changes so does your status, just cause one is or not satisfied with the so and so act, thought of the other person you change your status, which reflects your positive or negative emotions towards that person, these factors are likely to jeopardize your longstanding relationship. Individuals may experience negative feelings toward the others with brutal honesty affecting their personal relationships with family members, friends, and relatives.

For an individual who has insecurities, they may find their partner’s online actions to be a flaw, which could be a diminishing satisfaction factor . Surveillance of Facebook pages may cause higher anxiety, mistrust, and jealousy, which will threaten the relationship’s existence.

It is usually seen that as relationship matures, couples invest more time into the relationship, SNS usage decreases. it is not surprising that individuals would check their partner’s social media accounts to ensure and protect their relationship stability, This means as couples get more intimate, they spend less time online. However, results suggest that when they are online, they are likely to check their partner’s online activities. The use of Social networking sites indicate how society is changing by utilizing new technologies to monitor relationships, with the goal to protect it. Similarly, everything in this world has a positive and negative aspect, it totally depends on the way you take it.

——————-

The Author is Clinical Psychologist at Mental Hospital Lagankhel, Lalitpur, Nepal and can be reached at [email protected]

Paul Bueno de Mesquita, PhD, is a Professor in Psychology, and Director of the Center for Nonviolence & Peace Studies at the University of Rhode Island (URI) in the US. Also a trainer of Kingian Nonviolence Conflict Reconciliation, Paul has conducted international nonviolence trainings in Nepal, Jammu-Kashmir, India and Ghana, West Africa. He has been visiting Nepal every year for past four years to conduct Kingian nonviolence trainings to university students, peace workers and other professionals. Nepalireporter.com caught up with him during this year’s trip to talk about the purpose of training, Kingian nonviolence perspectives and importance of nonviolence education. Excerpts:

Why do you visit Nepal each year with a group of your university students?

The purpose of our visit is to continue building a strong partnership for global peace building through nonviolence training and education, particularly in regions of the world where societies are struggling for non violence solution to internal and political conflict. We are here on a mission to train and educate peoples here in the philosophy, principles and methodologies of nonviolence based on the perspectives of American civil rights leader and Nobel peace laureate Dr Martin Luther King Junior.

You are the professor of psychology, how do you get involved in the nonviolence education?

Much of my works in psychology was focused on youth and adolescents and children, their developments and their problems. Many of these problems were related to violence, aggressive behaviors and psychological deviation. In my career, I learned that once the glass was broken, it would be very difficult to piece it together again. This changed my viewpoint to be a positive psychologist, not to treat violence but to prevent it. My work shifted from studying problems to a positive psychologist. We have seen that nonviolent approach can transform even a violent criminal into a positive peaceful process.

Can you explain about the Kingian nonviolence concept and how it evolved?

This perspective is drawn from various movements including the civil rights movement of the US led by Dr Martin Luther King. Kingian nonviolence is an active way of life practiced on daily life, requiring courage to stand up to be tolerant against the injustices. According to Kingian nonviolence principle, a person not only shuns the external violence, but also avoids internal violence of the spirit. This type of nonviolence is long-lasting because it addresses the root causes condition violence in the society. Kingian nonviolence philosophy is less concerned about who committed violence than what caused him/her to commit violence. King was also influenced by Mahatma Gandhi’s principles-Ahimsa and Satyagraha. More people want peace, but very few are educated on how to make it happen. Kingian Nonviolence is a wills and ways toward peaceful and just society.

But we see some justifying violence as a last resort to bring the desired result.

Violence is sometime used to impose peace or to make a change through an external outside force. We know that thorough out the human history that the violence leads to more violence. So sooner or later in this condition where peace is imposed through the means of violence, it is bound to reemerge later.  Forceful peace is a temporary solution.

There are also movements which begin peacefully but end up in violence.

Those uprising that fails are those starting peacefully, but get run into violence or when the government, military, dictators overwhelm them through violent forces. This happened in Syria where people did not have much more leaders trained on the nonviolence. The leadership must understand and internalize the nonviolence social change process. Nonviolence is not only about people going to the street for demonstration, but components consisting information gathering, education, direct action, negotiation and reconciliation. Without these things, a movement begins to stumble and fail and fall into violence.

But do you think that people need the education on nonviolence?

Not everybody knows exactly how to get to the nonviolence. The challenge is that many people are not educated on what is conflict, how to respond and resolve it, how can we use the methods and principles together when we are in the situation of conflict. Even realizing when there is the conflict, many people do not know that they are in a conflict. They feel it, but they do not understand it. These are the things people need to be educated, not the value of the nonviolence or peace, but the way to reach there.

It’s sad but true, these days there has been a rise in the number of extramarital cases in Nepal. Cases that I have encountered hail from all the socio economic classes, usually at 50s, and employed personnel.

You’ve been married for years and suddenly you find yourself attracted to somebody else. Maybe he or she works in your office or maybe he is your ex….you never thought it would go this far, before it reached this point but … you didn’t and now you’re cheating on your spouse .Developing attraction or romantic feelings for someone other than your spouse happens in almost every relationship. Hopefully it’s rare, but it’s normal.

Pursuing those feelings, however is harmful and incredibly destructive to people you care about. The irony is that while trying to bring love to that new person, you actually bring them harm. The pursuit involves hiding, manipulation, and lying. If you have children, you’re not present because you’re spending every possible moment with the affair partner or obsessing about the next time you can.

And then there is the 5 to 6 years of living hell you go through after you’re found out, even if you don’t get divorced.

After being in a committed marital relationship, when we begin to develop feelings for somebody else, it’s a great indicator some serious attention needs to be paid to our marriage. If you’ve not acted on anything, shut the inappropriate relationship down and be intentional about finding the spark in your marriage again. If this sounds extreme, imagine your spouse’s response if they knew what was going on and what if he was engaged in a similar relationship with the third person, will u be able to take deception?

If you’re already having an affair, you probably feel terrible but are having trouble stopping and have no idea what to do. We want you to know some things you can do:

1. First of all come to terms with the fact this is going to be difficult and it’s going to hurt, but there will be life again.

2. Open up with God and own everything that you’ve done. Confession without excuses .

3. To walk away from an affair you need to know something you are walking toward; something that is more important to you than that which you are afraid of losing in yourself when you leave. For instance if you felt you could only be your “real self” with your affair partner, walk through the fear of doing that with your spouse now. Yes, it may shake things up but not any worse than having an affair.

4. Talk to a therapist, a real friend and ask for help now. This will make an immense difference and you will feel relief. A trustworthy person can help you do what you probably won’t do alone.

5. Invite your spouse to tell you how you contribute to their hurt and loneliness and then listen. It is amazing how people can drop their walls when they feel heard.

6. Stop deceiving yourself and others. When we are in the middle of a deception, we have usually told so many lies that we don’t know how to get back to the truth. The beginning of honesty with others is to first be honest with ourselves.

7. Do not Defend yourself or blame, as it only fuels more anger and increases the chance that you’ll actually believe your defense.

8. Tell your spouse the truth. I know this brings you panic because you have no idea how it will turn out. Experienced therapist is invaluable to help with this.

The truth just needs to come out and be dealt with. This is going to cost you and those you love a great deal, but dealing with it now and being honest will be the first step in reestablishing broken trust.

Getting caught is going to make it much, much worse. If you walk through this honestly and humbly, you will uncover the meaning of integrity and will find you like yourself better, as will others.

There is no reason why your spouse cannot be a better lover than he/she is now, if only you become a more willing participant. And that is only going to start when you stop making comparisons. The day your extramarital affair comes out in the open, in all probability, there is going to be no sexual fulfilment, no boyfriend, no marriage and no husband.

Concentrate on your marital relationship; value the person in his/her presence rather than in the absence!!

Case reports

“I stay abroad, met someone online about 4 months ago fell, in a relationship with a girl who stays in kathmandu after few months, she said she wants to marry me! I said it’s too soon to be thinking like that, Is it because she loves me? If I do marry her, how would I ever know if she really wanted me or my citizenship?”

“There is a girl whom my parents want me to get married, as she is ready to pay for my visa expenses, and all I have to do is study and clear the TOEFL score and take her along with me in dependent visa.”

These days the system is being swamped by the popular route for permanent residency Each year, thousands migrate abroad using partner visas.

Marriage in the past meant to be for a lifelong commitment, companionship, but in the present day society the very concept of marriage has been changing to fulfill materialistic demands, people get married for varied reasons and the very sole reason has vanished leading to the early ending of the relationship.

All of us have seen the materialistic demands change a person. It helps us acquire what we want, but when we value it, more than our relationship, we become enslaved by it. Instead of letting it serves us for our purposes, materialism becomes the motivation for our actions. Many see this as evil, per se.

Greed cultivates an overwhelming desire for more wealth and materialism which leads down a dark path of being unsatisfied and unhappy. You see, the true danger of greed is that one becomes so obsessed with the object of his or her desire that it becomes the only thing that is important. Someone possessed by greed develops tunnel vision and in that tunnel, they can see only their own selfish desire. A greedy husband or wife makes a miserable marriage. A greedy politician makes a miserable life for his or her constituents. A greedy boss makes miserable employees. I could go on, but I know you get the point. Greed is infectious and alienates the individual from family, friends and their moral center. It is a selfish act that benefits only the greedy individual temporarily.

Recent research published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy has shown that the more materialistic a couple is, the less likely they are to have a happy marriage. The study surveyed more than 1700 married couples and found that those who were heavily focused on money and material possessions were less satisfied in their marriages. What exactly is it about the quest for new, shiny things that is wreaking havoc on relationships?

Materialism can make and break a relationship Part of the problem is that we live in a society where materialism is used as tool for expressing your feelings. Relationships are based around materialism to begin with.  “Not only can materialism destroy a relationship but is sometimes the culprit in forging one as well.”

When one partner is less materialistic than the other, they will often have to work extra hard to afford a lifestyle that they don’t necessarily want or believe in. This can often lead to a lot of bitterness and resentment.

Unrealistic expectations can lead to frustration and conflict.

What about you? Do you think materialistic couples last?

Why marriages are ending sooner than later

Relationship regrets happen when the fantasy of your life doesn’t line up with reality, the possibility that materialistic values can potentially lead to relationships that end prematurely, are low quality, and contain more aggressive behavior and conflict, in which the couple feels less connected to one another, could be especially detrimental to the marriage

Remember, “whatever we sow, we shall reap.” Why not focus your life on positive seeds that will reap love. Material things will come and go. A good reputation will allow you to sleep well at night. Meditate on these words and live a happy, good life without the negative effects of greed.

An important reminder for all of us “Where there’s greed, there’s danger”. Overcoming greed requires a lot of effort and discipline. It isn’t easy, but it can be done. It’s all a matter of taming your ego.

It’s no secret that there is a serious lack of self-confidence all around us. Blame it on the media, high divorce rates, unloving homes or excessive airbrushing – the sad truth is that we live in a culture where low self-esteem is the norm.

Most of the  children, adolescents coming to me usually complaint of low level of confidence. Let’s understand

What Is Self-Confidence? Self-confidence is an aspect of overall self-esteem.

Parents and educators play an important role in helping children develop self-confidence. self-confidence is a major factor in emotional development and mental health. Healthy self-confidence tend to be more creative and make friends easily. Self-confidence levels also have important implications for personality development as the child grows into adulthood.

Signs of Low Self-Confidence

Children with low self-confidence tend to have a hard time interacting with other children, and they find making and maintaining friendships difficult. They are often hesitant to try new things, giving the excuse of “I know I can’t do it.” Children with low-self confidence often make false generalizations about themselves and their failures, such as “I got a bad grade in science class, I’m just stupid.” These children may also express general dislike for themselves or wish to be someone else.

Most of them which I have come across dwell from lower socio economic backgrounds, who have shifted from rural sector to urban sector for educational purposes, they are usually found to compare themselves with others who are better off.

Parental expectations are a major factor in a child’s self-confidence. When expectations are too low, children are not motivated to try new things and achieve milestones. A child may also believe that his parents’ low expectations are his fault, because he is not smart enough or good enough to achieve. Expectations that are consistently too high set children up for failure and create a cycle of anxiety. Parental response is another aspect of a child’s self-confidence.

Constant criticism creates feelings of never being able to do anything right. A lack of recognition or insincere praise for achievements is damaging, as well.

Building Self-Confidence

Parents and educators can help build a child’s self-confidence through their responses and expectations. As the National Network for Child Care states, “Tell children what to do instead of what not to do.” For example, instead of telling a child “Don’t wear those muddy shoes in the house,” say instead, “Please take off your shoes before you come in the house.”

Constructive criticism is an important part of learning. When a child makes a mistake, make sure he understands what he did wrong and what he could do differently the next time. Be mindful of your tone and expression, and avoid criticizing him in front of others. Offer sincere praise for every achievement, even small ones. Create opportunities in which your child can succeed.

Few tips to enhance one’s self confidence

-The first step in building stronger self-esteem is to stop kicking yourself and harness the potential within.
-Take Risks, There is nothing quite like accepting a new challenge and conquering it.
-Be Optimistic.
-Avoid being judgmental.
-Seek enriching relationships.
-Forgive yourself. Everyone experiences failure. But berating yourself solves nothing.
-Test Your Beliefs’ lack of self-confidence often becomes self-sustaining because we never test out the beliefs which support it. If you were   to give yourself a push and actually express those opinions, you may find out most people actually find them intriguing, not weird.
-This is what I call testing your beliefs in reality. Just because you believe with certainty that something will happen doesn’t mean there     is solid, real-life evidence that you are right. Most of us believe strongly in many silly things.
– The effective way you can find out if your beliefs are grounded in reality or not is to test them out. Get out there, face your fears and you        may be surprised what really happens.

From my perspective, a large part of the answer to the perpetual question “How to gain confidence?” is this: change the way you habitually think. This is not one single action, it’s a gradual process: it means identifying your irrational thinking, combating it, finding and applying more realistic ways of interpreting events. As you do so, you will naturally improve your confidence.

“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” – Norman Vincent Peale

I was talking to a female friend of mine about how women are under more pressure to get married by age 30. But she feels there’s a lot of pressure on women to not only be married by the time they’re 30, but also to have a child. “I think for most women, there’s an unnerving time bomb that will virtually explode as soon as you hit 27! And usually the pressure is more from the extended rather than the immediate family. The funny part is that you tend to become everyone’s project, unless you have an unmarried older sibling, who you can use as your buffer,” You are left wondering what next! Questions like Is he marriage material? Are You of Marriageable Age? cause tremendous distress.

A large number of the population suffers from the pressure to get married at the so called right age that is 25-30yrsfor females, in the Asian countries. At 22, you’re less likely to have to settle: the dating pool is larger, and it’s easier to say, “Well, I’ll wait a few years until the right one comes along.” Obviously, you can choose not to settle. But I’ll be honest, that decision is a lot scarier at 30 than it would have been a decade earlier. The older you get, the harder it is to adjust to a potentially excellent mate who doesn’t quite fit into the life you’ve made. Obviously, these barriers are not insurmountable.

In Asia countries, marriage remains near-universal, with 98% of men and women tying the knot. In contrast, in some Western countries, a quarter of people in their 30s are cohabiting or have never been married, while half of new marriages end in divorce. Marriage continues to be the almost universal setting for child-bearing in Asia: Asians are more likely to agree that “women’s happiness lies in marriage”. They are more likely to say women should give up work when they get married or have children, and more likely to disapprove of pre-marital sex. In many Western societies, more cohabitation has offset a trend towards later marriage or higher rates of divorce. This is gradually picking up in Asia. If women are unmarried entering their 40s, they will almost certainly neither marry nor have a child.

The mean age of marriage is rising in both countries. Divorce is increasing, especially among younger people. In India, traditional arranged marriages are being challenged by online dating (matrimonial service) and by “self-arranged marriages”, hybrids in which the couple meet, fall in love and agree to marry—but then let the two families fix everything up, as in traditional arranged marriages.
The pressure to get married is mainly because of certain societal norms that are still prevalent within our families to settle down within a certain age, Nevertheless, there are also times when parents might misunderstand you and become unreasonable. “Very often parents fail to understand the situation because they are not on the same page as their children. Peer pressures, on the other hand, the very thought of being the single person left standing.
Resisting the pressure of marriage can be a helluva task for most single women today. Especially if your friends, cousins and colleagues have decided to take the plunge all in a row, things can start becoming tricky for you. Relatives are telling you you’re next, your girlfriends are probably busy arranging blind dates with every single guy they know, and you have turned down almost every marriage proposal that’s come knocking at the door.

Few reasons for late marriages in women are probably due to the following

Women have always been permitted—even encouraged—to “marry up”, ie, marry a man of higher income or education. Marrying up was necessary in the past when women could not get an education and female literacy was low. But now that many women are doing as well or better than men at school, those at the top—like the “golden misses”—find the marriage market unwelcoming. Either there are fewer men of higher education for them to marry, or lower-income men feel intimidated by their earning power (as well as their brain power).

How to cope with the pressure
Have your own plan: For starters, decide what is best for you. Be it further education, a better job or financial stability, having a concrete plan will surely help you win the battle.
Communicate: Constant communication with family is extremely important. “At the same time, don’t be defensive and rebellious with your parents. It is only going to aggravate the situation .
Be confident: Whatever you decide to do, be confident and stick to it. Buckling under pressure will take you nowhere, a strong willpower definitely will.
Don’t avoid family/ friends: Don’t sway under peer or family pressure. Attend your best friend’s wedding and dance at your cousin’s sangeet! You will know when the time is right for sure.
Pause and contemplate: Marriage is not something that should be rushed into. When the day’s done, sit down and think about what you want from life and marriage in particular. Remember that it is not a race! And nothing comes in a package.
Have an open mind get married whenever the right person presents himself or herself. A very famous quote stating that marriages are made in heaven is so true, not only me anyone experiencing this bliss will not fail to agree with me on this.
So I thought I’d ask the women here, particularly the ones who are around age 30. Do you feel there’s still pressure for you to be married by age 30 or is that a thing of the past?

———————————

The Author is Clinical Psychologist at Mental Hospital Lagankhel, Lalitpur, Nepal. She can be reached at [email protected]

TRISHNA GHOSH : I would like to share my experiences regarding the clientele group in Kathmandu whom I have been catering my psychological services for the past 3 years every second patient coming to me complaint of sleep problems. On further probing them they would report that they have not been able to get adequate sleep for reasons unknown, sometimes it takes a session or two to help them figure out the reason for sleep difficulties.

Insomnia is defined as difficulty falling asleep, or staying asleep, or both. Up to 50% of the population are affected by insomnia at some time in their life. Women are affected more frequently than men, and people with psychological problems suffer from higher rates of insomnia.

What causes sleep disturbances?

Insomnia or sleep disturbance can be caused by many factors. Transient or short-term insomnia can be related to time changes (jet-lag, travel), altitude, change in medications, life-stress (loss of a loved one, job loss, divorce or separation), and poor sleep conditions (noise, light, disruptive bed partner). Substance abuse issues can also cause sleep problems, such as withdrawal from alcohol, drugs, or medications. Psychological issues such as depression, mania, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, or Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) also go hand in hand with disordered sleep. Insomnia can be a prime indicator of underlying psychological difficulties.

Few Symptoms of Sleep Disorders

• Feeling fatigued or exhausted
• Poor concentrating
• In creased irritability

Helpful strategies to overcome sleep problem

• Avoid using sleeping pills or alcohol to fall asleep, this will disrupt your sleep even more over the long-term. Or if you drink excessive amounts of coffee during the day, it will be more difficult to fall asleep later. Often, changing the habits that are reinforcing sleeplessness is enough to overcome insomnia altogether. It may take a few days for your body to get used to the change, but once you do, you will sleep better.
• Make sure your bedroom is quiet, dark, and cool. Noise, light, and heat can interfere with sleep.
• Stick to a regular sleep schedule. Support your biological clock by going to bed and getting up at the same time every day, including weekends, even if you’re tired. This will help you get back in a regular sleep rhythm.
• Avoid naps. Napping during the day can make it more difficult to sleep at night.
• Avoid stimulating activity and stressful situations before bedtime. This includes vigorous exercise; big discussions or arguments; and TV, computer, or video game use. Instead, focus on quiet, soothing activities, such as reading, or listening to soft music, while keeping lights low.
• Quit smoking or avoid it at night, as nicotine is a stimulant.
• Limit the number of night or irregular shifts you work in a row to prevent sleep deprivation mounting up.
• Avoid frequently rotating shifts so you can maintain the same sleep schedule.
• Get out of bed when you can’t sleep. Don’t try to force yourself to sleep. Tossing and turning only amps up the anxiety. When you’re sleepy, go back to bed.
• Move bedroom clocks out of view. Anxiously watching the minutes tick by when you can’t sleep—knowing that you’re going to be exhausted when the alarm goes off. You can use an alarm, but make sure you can’t see the time when you’re in bed

Sleep Disorders can be effectively managed with psychological treatment and medication (if necessary), once the cause has been identified. In Clients with underlying psychological problems, effective psychotherapy, stress management, and psycho-education in conjunction with sleep therapy can significantly improve their wellness. Clients who receive effective treatment experience improvement in their ability to function normally.

Anger a five letter word starting with a vowel and ending with a consonant, If it isn’t handled appropriately, it may have destructive results for both you and your loved ones. Uncontrolled anger can lead to arguments, physical fights, physical abuse, assault and self-harm. On the other hand, well-managed anger can be a useful emotion that motivates you to make positive changes. Do you ever wake up angry? It might be because you didn’t sleep well, or because you know you need to go to work or school and it stresses you out. The whole day, everything and everyone gets on your nerves and you just want to lunge out and punch someone.

Many people express their anger in inappropriate and harmful ways, including:

Anger explosions – some people have very little control over their anger and tend to explode in rages. Raging anger may lead to physical abuse or violence. A person who doesn’t control their temper can isolate themselves from family and friends. Some people who fly into rages have low self-esteem, and use their anger as a way to manipulate others and feel powerful.

Anger repression – some people consider that anger is an inappropriate or ‘bad’ emotion, and choose to suppress it. However, bottled anger often turns into depression and anxiety. Some people vent their bottled anger at innocent parties, such as children or pets.
Suggestions on how to express your anger in healthy ways include:

➢ If you feel out of control, walk away from the situation temporarily, until you cool down, cause whatever you say or do during the aroused stage, would lack logic, you might have to repent later and you have heightened chances of rationalization by stating that one did not intend to.

➢ Recognize and accept the emotion as normal and part of life.

➢ Try to pinpoint the exact reasons why you feel angry.

➢ Once you have identified the problem, consider coming up with different strategies on how to remedy the situation.

➢ Do something physical, such as going for a run or playing sport.

➢ Task of mental control: counting backwards,

➢ Snapping a rubber-band, so that your mind gets diverted from anger to pain.

➢ Insight to the consequences is another very important strategy to withhold anger.

➢ Half smile technique is another strategy to control anger when you are in such situation where u cannot use any of the above, In this strategy what one is supposed to do is smile when being provoked simultaneously one needs to have a thought where the intention of the provoker is minimized.

➢ See a counsellor or psychologist if you still feel angry about events that occurred in your past.
Smile as it increases your face value whereas anger make you look ugly!!

———-

The Author is Clinical Psychologist at Mental Hospital Lagankhel, Lalitpur, Nepal. She can be reached at [email protected]

Trishna Ghosh Bista: It is hilarious, but true that ,even in this 21st century Nepali Society feels uncomfortable about mental illness. It is not seen like other illnesses such as heart disease and cancer. Due to inaccuracies and misunderstandings, people have been led to believe that an individual with a mental illness has a weak character or is inevitably dangerous. Mental illness can be called the invisible illness. Often, the only way to know whether someone has been diagnosed with a mental illness is if they tell you. The majority of the public is unaware of how many mentally ill people they know and encounter every day. Mental illness affects people of all ages, in all kinds of jobs and at all educational levels.

Effects of stigma?

If you became physically ill, you would go to a doctor. Once you got better you would expect to get on with life as usual, but individuals struggling to overcome a mental illness can find themselves facing a constant series of rejections and exclusions.

Due to stigma, the typical reaction encountered by someone with a mental illness (and his or her family members) is fear and rejection. Some have been denied adequate housing, loans, health insurance and jobs due to their history of mental illness. Due to the stigma associated with the illness, many people have found that they lose their self-esteem and have difficulty making friends. The stigma attached to mental illness is so pervasive that it debilitates the person in all sphere of life.

We all have an idea of what someone with a mental illness is like, but most of our views and interpretations have been distorted through strongly held social beliefs. The media, as a reflection of society, has done much to sustain a distorted view of mental illness. Television or movie characters who are aggressive, dangerous and unpredictable can have their behaviour attributed to a mental illness. Mental illness also has not received the sensitive media coverage that other illnesses have been given.We are surrounded by stereotypes, popular movies talk about killers who are “psychos,” and there is news coverage of mental illness only when it is related to violence. We also often hear the casual use of terms like “pagal” or “crazy,” along with jokes about the mentally ill.  This is the basic reason why people do not  seek help for fear of what others may think. Spouses may be reluctant to define their partners as mentally ill, while families may delay seeking help for their child because of their fears and shame, however Reporters club Nepal have initiated a noteworthy step in psycho educating the mass regarding the sensitivity or mental illness and its crippling effect.

How do we erase stigma?

We can battle stigma when we have facts. We all have times when we feel depressed, get unreasonably angry or over-excited. We even have periods when we think that everything and everybody is out to get us and that we can’t cope. For someone with a mental illness these feelings become enveloping and overwhelming. There is no particular way to develop a mental illness. For some people, it occurs due to genetic factors in their family. Other causes may relate to environment stressors such as experiences of severe child abuse, war, torture, poverty, loss, isolation, neglect or abandonment. Mental illnesses can also occur in combination with substance abuse. No matter people develop mental illness, there is usually some form of support available which will help them to improve their health and lead a productive life. The support of family, friends and employers is also critical.

———————–

The Author has done Msc, M.phil in  Clinical Psychology and can be reached at [email protected]