Changing concept of marriage: commitment or materialistic greed

Trishna Ghosh Bista, Clinical Psychologist at Mental Hospital Lagankhel, Lalitpur, Nepal

Case reports

“I stay abroad, met someone online about 4 months ago fell, in a relationship with a girl who stays in kathmandu after few months, she said she wants to marry me! I said it’s too soon to be thinking like that, Is it because she loves me? If I do marry her, how would I ever know if she really wanted me or my citizenship?”

“There is a girl whom my parents want me to get married, as she is ready to pay for my visa expenses, and all I have to do is study and clear the TOEFL score and take her along with me in dependent visa.”

These days the system is being swamped by the popular route for permanent residency Each year, thousands migrate abroad using partner visas.

Marriage in the past meant to be for a lifelong commitment, companionship, but in the present day society the very concept of marriage has been changing to fulfill materialistic demands, people get married for varied reasons and the very sole reason has vanished leading to the early ending of the relationship.

All of us have seen the materialistic demands change a person. It helps us acquire what we want, but when we value it, more than our relationship, we become enslaved by it. Instead of letting it serves us for our purposes, materialism becomes the motivation for our actions. Many see this as evil, per se.

Greed cultivates an overwhelming desire for more wealth and materialism which leads down a dark path of being unsatisfied and unhappy. You see, the true danger of greed is that one becomes so obsessed with the object of his or her desire that it becomes the only thing that is important. Someone possessed by greed develops tunnel vision and in that tunnel, they can see only their own selfish desire. A greedy husband or wife makes a miserable marriage. A greedy politician makes a miserable life for his or her constituents. A greedy boss makes miserable employees. I could go on, but I know you get the point. Greed is infectious and alienates the individual from family, friends and their moral center. It is a selfish act that benefits only the greedy individual temporarily.

Recent research published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy has shown that the more materialistic a couple is, the less likely they are to have a happy marriage. The study surveyed more than 1700 married couples and found that those who were heavily focused on money and material possessions were less satisfied in their marriages. What exactly is it about the quest for new, shiny things that is wreaking havoc on relationships?

Materialism can make and break a relationship Part of the problem is that we live in a society where materialism is used as tool for expressing your feelings. Relationships are based around materialism to begin with.  “Not only can materialism destroy a relationship but is sometimes the culprit in forging one as well.”

When one partner is less materialistic than the other, they will often have to work extra hard to afford a lifestyle that they don’t necessarily want or believe in. This can often lead to a lot of bitterness and resentment.

Unrealistic expectations can lead to frustration and conflict.

What about you? Do you think materialistic couples last?

Why marriages are ending sooner than later

Relationship regrets happen when the fantasy of your life doesn’t line up with reality, the possibility that materialistic values can potentially lead to relationships that end prematurely, are low quality, and contain more aggressive behavior and conflict, in which the couple feels less connected to one another, could be especially detrimental to the marriage

Remember, “whatever we sow, we shall reap.” Why not focus your life on positive seeds that will reap love. Material things will come and go. A good reputation will allow you to sleep well at night. Meditate on these words and live a happy, good life without the negative effects of greed.

An important reminder for all of us “Where there’s greed, there’s danger”. Overcoming greed requires a lot of effort and discipline. It isn’t easy, but it can be done. It’s all a matter of taming your ego.